why didn't you poke me back
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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