Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
