dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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