Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
