I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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