I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
