Someone shit on the floor
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
