I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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