Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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