Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
