I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
