I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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