I think im going to throw up on grandma
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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