Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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