Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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