Pappa wants mamma naked
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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