Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
operation harelip BJ is a go
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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