If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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