I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
