So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We are all done wearing pants today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
