Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
