Me. At least after what I've been through.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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