New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
