yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
