some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
