I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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