is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
