does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
