So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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