Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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