omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
