I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
