I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
