Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
