You work out of a Hotel?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
