Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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