She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
