well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
