I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
