he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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