I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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