did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
