The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
