brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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