I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
