I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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