i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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