u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
