just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
