I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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